Monday, March 11, 2013

Bruce's Lecture

Ben's mother, incapable of nurturing her child, leaves him feeling worthless, unwanted and shamed. The painful message he receives from her is, "I don't want you. You are burden. Leave me alone." A young child cannot reason that rejection by his mother is due to her limited emotional rejection. Instead, he internalizes the abandonment as being his fault; he believes, "There is something inherently wrong with me." When a precious part of a person is no longer nurtured but damaged through abuse and emotional abandonment, this creates the shame core. A the core of who we are, we believe we are worthless and irreparably flawed.

We are born precious and valuable, even though our humanity has its physical and emotional limitations. To accept the perfect imperfections of the essence of the healthy ego-state. Whatever imperfections we have, they are part of our humanity... facts not to be despised, feared, or railed against us. Our imperfections remind us that we are not gods, that we are humans among other humans, each, with our own set of strengths and weaknesses. We have to work to do if we are to maximize the good and minimize the bad. The self-affirming correction is a joy, considering that the payoff is a healthy self-esteem and social comfort.

However abuse and abandonment can erode our sense that we are precious and valuable. We begin to define ourselves by our flaws. Abuse can take many forms: physical, emotional, neglect, sexual, spiritual, and intellectual. When our caregivers do not teach or support us in accepting our perfect imperfection, they have abandoned their primary responsibility to us. It is fair to call such parental failure as "abandonment."

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