Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Doomed Himself to Suffer

"So tell me, Andy, does your wife know that you keep a prostitute stashed in Manhattan?" I ask.
"No," he says in a tone indicating how stupid it would be to blow his cover.
"How do you think she would feel if she really knew what you were doing on your business trips?"
"You know what?" he says, somewhat annoyed. "My wife is a great lady. I need to spend more time with her and the kids. I know what, and I'm going to start doing that; I have to. But New York is mine. I work hard, and fact is, I deserve it."

Andy has spent extensive time, money, and energy on his secret life -- keeping Angel in an expensive apartment, showering her with gifts, taking her out for expensive meals, and, of course, having unlimited and unrestrained sexual encounters.

"I already started making it up to my wife," Andy says like a kid seeking approval.
"How so?" I ask.
"I took her with me to New York last week. We stayed at The Plaza, went shopping, saw a play... you know, did it up right."
"And what about Angel? Did you see her?" I ask.

The theater lobby is mobbed. Andy practically had to sell his soul to get tickets to opening night. Stopping at the bar, Andy throws back a stiff one while his wife stands mesmerized by the crowd. Grabbing his wife's elbow, he steers her through the crowd to their seats.
"So did you contact Angel?" I ask again.
"Sort of," he says.

As the lights dim, the familiar perfume wafts to Andy's nostrils. Looking past his wife, he steals a brief glance, noticing Angel's silky black hair and low-cut dress. Seated next to his wife, Angel adjusts her view as the curtain slowly rises. Andy, who had brought her a seat, feels the euphoria and a feeling of profound satisfaction.

Andy has concocted what, for him, is the most extremely dangerous and powerful sexual challenge. Lake the little boy who had no control, he has deluded himself into believing that he is in control of both his wife and his prostitute, who are the unconscious substitutes for his original abusers: his mother and his aunt. He can with the whole sexual jackpot. In fact, he has set himself up to crash, burn, and lose everything. Both women will recognize him for the out-of-control liar he has become. He has doomed himself to suffer the loss and shame that he believes subconsciously are appropriate for someone as worthless and undeserving as he is.  

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