That's how it goes in early recovery: a minute, a step, and a thought at a time. Living in a seemingly foreign land, we begin to navigate our new life, our new selves. We learn to live with intention a conscious live, as opposed to one of disconnection and numbing. We begin to identify what we are feeling and the sensations in our bodies.
Most people believe their sexuality is about their genitals, the stimulation, gratification, or the "chase of the orgasm." Often, clients will explain sex as being so "intimate," when in reality they are describing intensity rather than intimacy. The more intensity or the "greater" the sex, the better the high.
Without the potential of a high, the idea of "normal" or healthy sex becomes fearful, even dreaded: "It will be boring. I will feel trapped." Addicts do not like change, nor do they like letting go of power and control -- or the illusion of it, because that is how they learned to survive. However, the reality is that sex in recovery is not boring; it is just different.
Healthy sexuality is 10 percent about our genitals, while the remaining 90 percent is about our life force, our creativity, and our passion. This energy taps into the core of who we are. That's what makes this addiction so powerful, what sets it apart from all others. Our sexuality comes from the depths of our being, and so does our recovery. Examining and integrating our healthy sexual selves from this perspective results in much more than just "mind-blowing sex." It provides a spectrum of possiblities, a transformation of the whole self.