Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Slow Courtship (Part Two)

Some kinds of sexual acting-out histories are particularly risky to talk about because they are so blatantly condemned by society. Bestiality is one example. Here is a scenario of how such a fraught discussion might proceed:

"I'm really enjoying your company, and I really want to move into a more committed relationship with you, be with you exclusively. But there are some things I want to share with you so that you will know who I am and where I'm coming from. I think this will bring us closer in our relationship. In the past, I have had some issues around my sexuality. Those issues began when I was a child when my family was highly sexualized and did not have appropriate boundaries around sexuality. And so I learned that was was my most important need. That's where I was valued. That's where the power and attention were. That moved me into some unhealthy behavior as an adult.

"Now I am going to therapy and am in a group in order to deal with these issues. I am not currently active in these inappropriate behaviors. What I am active in is what we are experiencing right now. but I want you to know this about my past, and I want you to ask me any questions that you need to for clarity. I don't want to go into the details of it right now, but I do want you to know who I am now."

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